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April 10th, 2009

01:12 pm - Great logic problem
The story behind this riddle is that Einstein created it in the late 1800s. I am not sure of the true origin, but I have seen it floating around the internet, and it's a good one. Here it is:

- In a street there are five houses, painted five different colors.

- In each house lives a person of different nationality.

- These five homeowners each drink a different kind of beverage, smoke different brand of cigar and keep a different pet.

The riddle is: Who owns the fish?


1. The British man lives in a red house.
2. The Swedish man keeps dogs as pets.
3. The Danish man drinks tea.
4. The Green house is next to, and on the left of the White house.
5. The owner of the Green house drinks coffee.
6. The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
7. The owner of the Yellow house smokes Dunhill.
8. The man living in the center house drinks milk.
9. The Norwegian lives in the first house.
10. The man who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.
11. The man who keeps horses lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill.
12. The man who smokes Blue Master drinks beer.
13. The German smokes Prince.
14. The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
15. The Blends smoker lives next to the one who drinks water.

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April 7th, 2009

I hate everything.

Voyage of the Dawn Treader, the third (and finest) of the Narnia heptalogy, is the next to be released in theaters. Unfortunately, as some may know, Disney is entirely staffed by survivors of fetal alcohol syndrome.

Also, they have all suffered severe head trauma somewhere along the line.

First, Disney abandoned the Narnia franchise last year, saying that "for budgetary and logistical reasons it will not exercise its option to co-produce and co-finance the next "Narnia" movie with producer Walden Media."

Oddly enough, the two (yes, TWO) movies being slated for release that weekend by Disney and Paramount, respectively, are Prince of Persia and Iron Man 2. Budgetary constraints my supple hindquarters. It's like Disney doesn't want to have a movie that could compete.

Fox took up the Narnia mantle, with the movie to be released Holiday 2010. This is an imagined conversation between scriptwriters and those who own the rights to the books.

Fox - (reading the book) "Hey what happened to that wacky funny little dwarf dude?"
HarperCollins - "Erm, Trumpkin? Caspian gave him control of politigal goings-on while he was gone."
Fox - "Yeah, people liked him. We're gonna put him on the ship."
HarperCollins - "But...you'll alienate the fans. That's almost as bad as..."
Fox - "What, taking Tom Bombadil out of Lord of the Rings?" *Round of laughter around Fox's side of the table*
HarperCollins - *weeps*

Yes. Trumpkin is on the ship. For some reason.


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April 4th, 2009

07:55 pm

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March 19th, 2009

06:08 pm - Is This Hate Speech?
Okay, quick game here to see where everyone stands and hopefully engender conversation... just look at each of these sentences and answer two questions:

A. Is this hate speech? (I.e., was it created primarily out of hate, the product of a bigoted and evil mind?)

B. Should the government censor this? (I.e., should people be allowed to write a long essay with this subject and not get slapped?)

Take your time, think about each sentence carefully. I'm not looking for essays on the correctness or offensiveness of these statements, here. Yeses and nos will suffice.


1. Native Americans are at greater risk for heart disease than other ethnic groups, due to genetic factors.

2. Because their ancestors were adventurous and hard-working immigrants, modern Asian Americans have a unique culture that instills in them a good work ethic.

3. Because slaves were selected for their strength, modern African Americans are genetically more likely to be good at sports.

4. Because slaves were selected for their strength, modern African Americans are genetically more likely to be stupid.

5. The so-called "Holocaust" is a conspiracy of history - Hitler never killed anyone based solely on their race, and certainly not in mass concentration camps.

6. The principles of eugenics are sound, and sterilizing the unfit would improve society in the long run.

7. There is no "gay gene", homosexual inclination is always a result of conditioning, and can be resisted with sufficient willpower.

8. There is a "gay gene", and those who exhibit homosexual tendencies are hopelessly incapable of acting otherwise.

9. The ancient mutation that resulted in a lack of epicanthal fold in Asians makes them unattractive.

10. The ancient mutation that resulted in a lack of epicanthal fold in Asians makes them highly attractive.

11. Islam is a primitive, barbaric religion.

12. Creationists are willfully ignorant and should not be allowed to indoctrinate their children with their anti-scientific worldview.

13. Hitler was a good man.

14. If you intentionally disqualify yourself from military service, you aren't a real man and you don't love your country.

15. George W. Bush is stupid, and unfit to lead.

16. Barack Obama is out of touch with the people, and unfit to lead.

17. People who vote Republican are either stupid or evil.

18. Homosexuals are more likely to molest children, and thus should not be put in positions of authority over them.

19. Catholic priests are more likely to molest children, and thus should not be put in positions of authority over them.

20. All bisexuals are promiscuous.

21. If you have a known sex offender in your neighborhood, you would be protecting your children if you tracked him down and killed him.

22. If you have a Jew in your neighborhood, you would be protecting your children if you tracked him down and killed him.

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02:53 pm


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February 28th, 2009

12:27 pm
I made this and entered it in a Cracked photoshop contest for "When superpowers go wrong" I thought it was amusing.

Plus, I am shamelessly self-promoting.

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February 27th, 2009

09:54 pm - Review: Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li
Oh, Capcom. Hi there. Glad you could come in on such short notice.

I'm gonna now do something called a "Compliment sandwich." This is where I start with something good, then say where you need improvement, then finish off with something good.

1. Mega Man was awesome.

2. Have you even seen Doom? Andrzej Bartkowiak had a movie based on a shooting game end with a fistfight. Did you really expect that he would take your fighting game and have it do anything but end up like this? There was more dialogue in this movie than in the last meeting of the House of Representatives, and none of it was good. Now, there were a few fight scenes, and some random chases through alleyways...a building does blow up real good with, yes, a character jumping from it in slow-motion...and some shooting, why not? Chun-Li spends the entire time narrating the movie, including once where in her voiceover she said "I needed to find a computer" right before sitting down at a computer.

(NOTE: If Bartkowiak makes a movie based on Microsoft Word, would it end with a shootout?)

And Chris Klien can't act his way out of a wet paper bag.

3. Resident Evil? Hells yes.

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February 18th, 2009

05:49 pm
OK so you may have seen this before, you may not have. I just came across it. My only response is DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN.

It's called a "Human Face Fish". That's not a nickname, that's just...what it is. It’s a fish with a human face. It's apparently what happens when two different kinds of carp crossbreed. It's not really a recognized species yet, but it is a common enough thing for Korean News to cover it and someone else to put it on Youtube for me to come across today.

Look at it...its glassy eyes...reflecting the terrible frailty of human existence with its horrifying expression. Because carp frequently skim the surface to eat, watching the Human Face Fish in action creates the impression that the fish repeatedly swims to the surface to silently scream in terror every couple of minutes.

As one of the comments on the video says: "In a situation like this - finding something completely inhuman that is clearly trying to adapt to resemble a human face screaming in fear - there’s really only two reasonable responses: You can either assume that you’re insane and seek help, or buy a flamethrower and burn the world until it makes sense again."

I feel like doing both.


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February 6th, 2009

08:56 pm
they are always watching

always listening

recording everything we do

so sometimes

i sing into the phone

maybe it cheers them up

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February 3rd, 2009

07:01 pm
"A Democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent form of government. A Democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover that they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates who promise the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse due to weak fiscal policy, which is always followed by a dictatorship."

--statement attributed to Alexander Tytler, 1787

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